Grief support

Children & grief

When a loved one dies, it can be difficult to know how to help kids cope with the loss, particularly as you work through your own grief. By being open and honest, encouraging communication, and sharing your own feelings, you and your children can cope with painful times and begin your healing journey together.

Talking to children

When confronted with the loss of someone you cherish, it’s completely natural to find it challenging to manage your emotions. You may experience distress, feel shaken, or become preoccupied with your thoughts. It’s also common to seek solitude as a way to handle your grief. However, if you have children, it’s essential to remember that they need your support now more than ever. Their presence serves as a poignant reminder of the special people who enrich your life.

Grief in children

Children’s responses to the death of a loved one vary based on their age and maturity. As they grow, they will revisit memories of their loss at different times. Providing support during this challenging period is crucial. To help you understand how children process grief, we’ve outlined their reactions based on their age group.

Infants & toddlers

Never underestimate how infants and toddlers can feel loss. While they may not fully grasp what is happening, they can sense the absence of someone they were close to, notice disruptions in their routine, and pick up on the stress and sadness of those around them. To help them cope, increase physical affection—cuddling and holding them can provide a sense of security and love, even in the face of loss.

Younger children

At this stage, children may struggle to distinguish reality from fantasy, particularly regarding the permanence of death. Although you might think euphemisms will help, terms like “gone away,” “sleeping,” or “lost” can confuse them and lead to fears or negative thoughts. For instance, if a child hears that a deceased loved one has “gone away,” they may feel abandoned. Telling them that someone in a casket is merely “sleeping” might instill fears about their own sleep. When discussing a loved one’s death, it’s best to be straightforward and use simple, clear language they can understand.

Older children

Older children are better equipped to grasp abstract concepts like death. They often have more knowledge about how the body functions, so be ready for specific questions. It’s crucial that your responses are factual and precise. They may also feel vulnerable and insecure due to not only the loss but also other life changes. Ensure you provide ample opportunities for them to talk about their feelings of sorrow and grief.

Teenagers

As teenagers seek independence, they often feel inclined to keep their grief private, wanting to demonstrate maturity and emotional control. This can lead to high-risk behaviors as they struggle to express their feelings after losing someone. Although they might prefer confiding in friends, don’t be discouraged; this can be a healthy outlet for their emotions. Continue to create spaces for open conversations about their loss, listen to their concerns, empathize with their feelings, and reassure them of your support in navigating their grief.

Helpful links

The following links provide more detailed information on topics related to helping children and teens cope with loss.